Skyrim Review

I’ve been writing this for a while now, and I’ve quickly realised that Skyrim is too big to give an accurate depiction of what you can do in the game, so I’m just gonna write about what I feel are the best aspects of Skyrim that I experienced, and briefly mention the bits I’ve heard about or dabbled in, and hopefully you’ll get a glimpse of the awesomeness of Tamriel…

Googled "Ultimate Skyrim Screenshot" Wasn't Disappointed...

The Elder Scrolls saga continues in the land of Tamriel in this fifth game of the series by migrating north to the mountain region of Skyrim. A Norse inspired land with its inhabitants wearing the rugged look of the Vikings. The game opens, after you choose a side, with you in chains, traveling to your execution as either a rebel or as a member of the current rule, the Imperials. Just as the first prisoner is relieved of his head, you are there to witness the return of the Dragons. And so begins your journey to become the Dragonborn.

Get down here you Fucker so I can kick your ass!

I was first introduced to the Elder Scrolls by my mate Tango, he had just bought a Ma-hoo-sive new TV, and he invited me around to see his new game, Oblivion. And I gotta say, I was absolutely blown away. I’ve always loved Lord of the Rings, Raymond E Feist’s Riftwar saga, etc. so this was right up my street. A Knight, roaming the lands with the power of the elements at your fingertips? What Blue Blooded Englishman with King Arthur as our ancestor don’t want that? Needless to say, I left his house and went straight down Tesco’s and got myself a copy, rushed home, fired up the Xbox, and delved into the gloriously colourful world of Cyrodiil, and didn’t come back out for the next two hundred hours.

Skyrim is essentially more of the same. Which is great! It’s a huge expansive area, where you can walk from one side to the other with no restrictions or loading times, only seeing the loading screen if you enter a built up area, building or dungeon. Set in a harsh winter in the mountain region, it makes the world a lot darker than its predecessor, but it’s no less beautiful. The snow Storm Mountains have temple ruins left by a previous era of man, and are now populated by the various beasts of the dark realm of Oblivion, the elder scrolls version of Hell. Unfortunately, unlike its predecessor, Skyrim doesn't feature the Realm of Oblivion as a game location, which is a shame. The foothills of mountains are populated by the villages of men, and in every scrap of land, you’re never too far away from a mill, farm, temple, ruin, fort, castle, camp, hut, or cave that you can explore and plunder its riches.

Everywhere Looks this fucking awesome!

And there are loads of riches. Every place you visit has a little story to tell, trinket to find, or naughty boy to be dealt with. And dealing with them naughty boys is where some proper fun can be had. You can choose a direction for your avatar, a Warrior, Magician or Rogue, and get an initial boost in stats for the class chosen, e.g. warrior has hand weapons bonus, magician had destruction magic bonus, etc. but after that, it’s up to you what attributes to develop. My warrior levelled up on Destruction magic, for casting damaging magic, restoration magic for healing myself, and Smithing, to create better armour. But you can develop every attribute to the max should you desire, and if you’re prepared to put in the hours…

I spent an unhealthy amount of time crafting armour... but its worth it, cos then you look like this bad ass motherfucker!

You view they action from either a first or third person perspective, and you equip each of your avatars hands with whatever you desire, left hand sword, right hand shield, or left hand fire magic, right hand sword, left hand potion, right hand…. You get the picture. It’s completely up to you. Either hand action is assigned to the triggers, feeling intuitive to control. The d-pad gives you a list your favourites, using up and down to select an item from a list, then a quick directional tap assigns it to the respective trigger. Dead easy, but I did find when in the heat of battle I would try to revert to, say, a spell, and I’d press the wrong direction, and end up with two spells. I preferred Oblivions method of assigning 8 options to the directions of the d-pad, it just worked better for me, even on the Xbox 360’s crap D-pad.

Not the Best game for Arachnophobes....

Battles take place whenever you leave the safety of a walled city, unless a story quest dictates otherwise. As soon as you hit the open road, you could be ambushed by bandits, or attacked by a bear, all very random. When you venture in to one of the many dungeons, you can come across hordes of Undead in the temple ruins, or a group of mechanical guards in the derelict Dwarven halls. All very D&D… but the very best battles, the ones which really get the blood pumping, is when you hear the overhead roar of a Dragon…

The Dragons are undoubtedly the star of the show, like the Joker versus Batman, we all want Batman to win, but we love the Joker just as much, maybe even a tiny bit more. And it’s the Dragons arrival which is where the games campaign lies. You quickly discover that you are the Dragonborn, and are tasked with defeating the Lord of Dragons, Alduin, Who is excellently realised as an ever-looming presence, and the quest takes you to all corners of Skyrim, from adventuring caves to find the Dragon walls and learn the language of the Dragons, magical words which when spoken can give devastating effects, sonic boom, time slow, etc. who’s effects can also be upgraded, Then off to the highest peak to find any Allies of Alduin, it’s a wonderfully varied quest. All through this time however, a civil war is breaking out, and you have chosen your side, and your superiors want you, and you alone, to perform tasks to achieve the upper hand. You lead bands of men into enemy occupied cities to gain control, assassinate key figures, and climb the ranks of your army.

My Pet Dragon, Alduin, Perched atop my beer fridge, to stop fuckers nicking my Beer!

There's loads to do. I spent 250 hours chasing every trophy, and there was still plenty left to do. I spent way too long creating the perfect armour than I dare admit, but you can also create potions, enchantments, weapons, jewellery, and much more. You can become a thief, master pickpocketing, picking locks. A magician can master the destructive elements, or create illusion magic to confuse enemies, or conjure up ghostly beasts to fight for you. You can become a merchant, a master of the bow and arrow, the list goes on… what I can tell you is that 5 hours can feel like 5 minutes, as it’s such an engrossing, beautiful, epic, intelligent, captivating tale that, as gamers, we should all go and experience.

10 outta 10…

Killzone Shadow Fall

As a next gen early adopter, your options are always a bit limited, with some games getting way more attention than they normally would due to the limited turn out. (I’m looking at you Knack….) but you do come across some genre-defining games. At PS1 launch you had the awesome Tekken, PS2 had Timesplitters, and a certain Master-Chief graced day one of the Xbox. 

All these were new IP’s and Killzone Shadow Fall certainly is not new IP. The fourth game in the series where you, the Vektans are locked in the seemingly never ending Sci-fi battle against the generic Space Nazis, the Helghast, now turns up as a systems launch game for the first time. Widely regarded as some of the finest visuals in the business, even if a bit dreary, Killzone games have suffered in the gameplay category when sat alongside the giants of Call of Duty and Battlefield. KZ-SF almost falls into the same old ways again, like your favourite supermodel, Looks fantastic… but a bit empty upstairs. Almost…

Looks Amazing....

KZ-SF looks great. Character models could do with a bit of tidying up, the lip-sync being slightly off during the opening level, with facial close ups of your fellow Vektans not helping to disguise it. Everyone is very shiny, glistening skin, shiny leather, polished metal, etc., but rarely, if ever, do you come across someone who has realistic looking fabric or hair, they’re either bland, or shiny. And let’s be honest, current gen can do bland and shiny…

The environments themselves are a different story, bright, colourful vistas, a real departure from the standard Killzone palette of brown and grey. Sprawling cities with the midday sun reflecting along the skyscrapers, with waterfalls and modern art juxtaposed to all look fantastic…. Hang on a minute…. Now I get what the share button is for! I quickly upload to Facebook; show off the PS4 graphics to me mates.

One of the Earlier levels, still Looking Fantastic...

The now infamous sky-scraper terrorist attack which was shown at the PS4 announcement event last February loses none of its shine when you witness it first hand, with the Michael bayhem-esque slowed-down explosion which now seems common-place in the genre. Then the gun show starts, and the guns look ace, with the standard rifle posing as both an assault rifle, then with a quick flick down on the d-pad, it quickly morphs to a sniper rifle. Bullet impacts on the Helgan give you the familiar yet satisfying blood splatters, like shooting a paint pot, giant spills of red stuff being thrown through the air. When things get a little too close for comfort, a quick L3 gives you the melee performance. A neck snap, a knife to the jugular, a stab in the orange eye, all looks fantastic, even if it does seem like it detaches you from the experience a bit.

The Helgan Terror attack... Those Fuckers!!!!

Believe it or not, gunplay is quite important in a FPS, and it doesn’t disappoint in KZ-SF. The characters are quick and nimble, not hulking fat bastards that you seem to be steering in KZ2, the first PS3 outing for the Vektans. Obviously learning from the slick controls of COD, the characters move just right, and every button seems to be in the right place, expect for the new touchpad.

The touchpad controls your sidekick, The OWL. It’s your own personal bodyguard, providing covering fire, zip lines, a shield placement, and can hack terminals, all at your command. And that command is given by a direction swipe of the touchpad (think of it as a mouse pad on a laptop, exactly the same) swipe up activating the flying sentry gun, swipe left for zip line, and so on. A problem I found was that I knew it was “up” for the sentry, but I often pressed D-pad up. It’s a whole new set of buttons to access, but I sometimes confused them with the d-pad, but maybe that was just me.

This Floaty bugger is your OWL, handy little fella....

The Helgasht are pretty tough, needing a fair amount of caps to be popped to bring them down. As the campaign progresses, it gets tougher by sheer numbers, whereas you can often feel penned in, but with dogged determination, you can pick off the opposition one by one provided you use all of your arsenal, namely, your OWL.

There was times in the game where I struggled to move forward, not hit a dead end as such, but struggled. Then I would remember the OWL, and it’s where KZ-SF begins to impress. In a classic scenario of “hold on til help comes!”  Wave after wave of Helgasht would need mowing down, and in classic FPS style, I would be running from side to side of our position, trying to pick them off. But when I remembered the OWL, I could stand on one side and direct the OWL to the other side while I held position. While not very powerful, the OWL would give you chance to mop up one wave while holding back another. At various times throughout the campaign, I would recall I had the OWL, and it would help me to victory. The OWL isn’t very good on its own, but as a sidekick, it proved to be infallible. I’m not sure if the bits I found difficult and needed the OWL were purpose built to need the OWL, because there is no indication to “USE OWL HERE” but if the game designers did create the campaign to subtly use it, then Kudos to them, cos its woven in brilliantly to be a worthy companion which helps, and doesn’t hold your hand and walk you through.

Killing The Helgasht is always fun, As they all look like Space Nazis, and Killing Nazis never get old does it?

If KZ-SF was a stand-alone PS3 title, it’d be great. Great visuals, good fast gameplay, with some new nice ideas to spice things up. But because it’s a launch title, maybe it’s being over analysed, cos I loved it. It’s not genre defining, but it never professed to be. What it does claim to be is a beautiful adventure through Vekta, with some nice gameplay ideas woven in make it a shooter worth playing.

8 outta  10….

Me, Drunk Gamer, With me Game, getting Drunk!!!

The Great DLC Debate

Me and me mate were talking online the other day. After quick pleasantries, we recap on the previous night’s gaming endeavours, which game... How long… progress… etc. then we normally pick a topic and we’re off in an hour long chat into the finer details. 

This particular day, I was discussing Assassins Creed 4 Black Flag on the PS4, and as a Dad, I struggle to get much time gaming. AC4BF has some very interesting DLC, namely, the time savers pack.

This DLC lets you cut out the laborious grinding to level up. Something which completely horrified my friend, who claims loves to grind, but I suspect he don’t like spending money… 

We talked about whether this was value for money or not. Which raises the question, how much is your time worth?

My nightly routine consists of refereeing the kids til bath and bed time around 7;30- 8 o’clock, then me and her indoors share the telly, she’ll have from around 8-9:30, cos that’s when she falls asleep on the sofa, then I’ll have the TV til around midnight. Apart from gaming, I do like films, so in this 2-3 hour window, I have a lot to squeeze in. I can’t play games while the kids are up for a couple o’ reasons, 1, they’re mostly 18 rated, and 2, I can’t concentrate when the kids are going crazy around the house. This brings me nicely back to “value for money”

I hate grinding, a well-known example I can refer to will be the Nirnroots from The Elder Scrolls IV, Oblivion. If I could’ve paid a quid to collect 80 Nirnroots, I would’ve done it. As much as I loved Oblivion, collecting them Nirnroots was boring as hell… unfortunately, with a “time saver” DLC, this turns us into very sceptical beings indeed...

Is the grinding in AC4BF purposefully boring to warrant the Time Saver DLC? 

Grinding is in lots of games, Oblivion as my case, where developers have put in these laborious tasks, and not expected any additional payment via a DLC, but now you can skip that grinding with 80p, we immediately assume that the developers have implemented this grinding to coax more money from us pour saps... But there is also grinding in games where you don't pay... So which is it?!?

My mate said that any DLC you pay for should add to the game, i.e. more maps, more levels, more bosses, etc. but the main difference with that DLC is that extra maps, levels or bosses cannot be accessed without that payment. Time saver DLC is player choice, you can grind, spending hours completing an easy but boring journey or task, or you can cut to the chase with 80p…

So how much is your time worth?

Infamous: Second Son

I have to admit, I have never been a big fan of the Infamous series, Sure, I played the first two, and its not so much as I didn’t like it, more I wasn’t particularly interested in it myself. Unfortunately, I am a graphics whore, and when things look as good as some of the previews we had been shown by Sony for the first next gen outing from Sucker Punch studios’ Infamous, my interest was piqued… As it was all quiet on the next gen front so soon after launch, I had to succumb to my next gen visual desires, and snapped it up on launch day.

Infamous: Second Son tells the tale of Delsin Rowe, a right cool handsome bastard, with a cheeky grin and an attitude to match. He’s a resident of a small rural town outside of Seattle, with the Space needle looming large on the horizon. He’s a normal grunge fan, complete with appropriate garb. He is living in a time of the Conduits, where people are imbued with elemental powers, and the Department of Unified Protection is hunting down the Conduits, who they lovingly refer to as Bio-terrorists.

Handsome Graphics, Handsome Bastard

This grungy, handsome bastard is soon entangled in the Conduits plight when he, for reasons never explained, absorbs the power of another Conduit when he rescues his ungrateful ass out of a car wreck. The DUP soon turn up, headed by the ever increasingly popular middle-aged hard faced bitch, she causes a few upsets with Delsins town folk, and Delsin vows to avenge them and kick that bitches ass….

Augustine.... ANOTHER middle aged woman baddy....

You travel to Seattle and proceed to dispatch them naughty DUP soldiers, using your new found elemental weaponry. You start with the obligatory fire (called smoke, but I distinctly remember fire hurting a lot, and smoke just making your clothes smell…) and you gain new powers as you meet new Conduits. I won’t ruin it for you, but the powers do get awesomer as you progress.

There is a Karma element to the combat, where you choose how to dispatch those meddlesome DUP, a straight up kill earns you bad karma, and knockouts/incapacitates earn you good karma, and there is different rewards for each. I, as always, chose the hero. I tried to obtain good karma wherever I could. Earning karma, good or bad, fills up your special ability meter. When full, you get to attack with a one-time use special move, which is wicked. The attack you get depends on the element you have equipped, and by Christ they are epic…. And kill every mother fucker in the room! So much so, after the first time you pull one off, you’re stunned! You check over your shoulder to see if anyone saw it…

It always looks this awesome, if you have time to stop and look,

Hang on… I’ll just use the share button again….

Your elemental powers give you new means to traverse the Seattle skyline. With smoke equipped, you can use building vents to quickly traverse to the roof. A smoke dash helps you move quicker, and you can use your element to help you leap higher, and your new powers help you jump off the tallest buildings and land safely. String them altogether, and you soon find you’ll be leaping across the city like a friendly neighbourhood Spiderman! But not crap…

Actually, I don’t want to undersell this, some of the best fun of Infamous is how you can control Delsin through the city, its empowering, fun, and Sucker Punch have got the controls bang on. It’s an absolute blast.

Traversing the city, looking for some motherfuckers to dispatch! 

Enemies are a bit dull to be honest. Normal armoured police looking dudes who are given the elemental powers by the Head of the DUP, who get harder and harder as the game progresses, but it’s still fun taking them down, mainly cos you’re such a badass that anything you do in the games feels good. 

The DUP kinda remind me of the troops in HAZE on PS3, which makes them so much easier to kill, anything to erase that pile of shit from my mind...

Boss battles are pretty good, all arena based death-matches. I do feel like the developer missed a trick here though. Let me explain it with shitty bullet points…               

1. You play a badass mother fucker…
2. With awesome building hopping powers…
3. In an awesomely realised city…
4. Against an evil empire who has more power than you…
5. Which should equal an Epic last battle above the streets of Seattle, all elemental powers blazing, across the rooftops?

But it doesn’t….

The last boss is another arena battle. I don’t understand how a developer can miss using some of the games strongest assets, and give us the same tired old videogame trope. Though the last battle is still very enjoyable, a piece of me still yearns for that giant rooftop battle….

Imagine Chasing a Giant End of Game Baddie over the rooftops! well... you'll have to imagine, cos it don't happen

Not that I didn't enjoy any of Infamous, I loved it. The graphical fidelity is the start of our next gen journey. It’s as sharp as a button, well-acted, mature with hints of mischievousness, in the gameplay and story. Oh, and whoever thought if the graffiti mini-game at Sucker Punch, I’d like to see them be creative director of their own game, truly genius which puts a massive smile on my face every time I do it.

If Rocksteady hadn't already produced the Arkham series, I’d go so far as to say this is one of the best Superhero games (without a superhero in) that I've ever played.

Actually…  I’ll stick with that…

9 outta 10…

Destiny

So, as it turns out, I'm revisiting this piece. I played the invitational Alpha, Beta, and general release of Bungie's new Space shooter, Destiny, and I thought I'd had my fill. But as it turns out, I was only just getting started...

I originally wrote this at the Alpha test of Destiny, so I'll pick it up from there....

Bungie, developer of the Halo series, emailed me in July last year, (it was a Tuesday) asking me if I wanted to apply for their Destiny ALPHA test. I filled in the form, resigned myself to the fact that I never get these codes anyway, and forgot all about it…

The following Thursday, I forced myself to sit through the shambles that was the World Cup opening ceremony. I was calmly waiting for the first match, Brazil vs. Croatia, and about 2 minutes before kick-off, my phones email alert goes off,

"MAIL! MOTHER FUCKER!"

I get a quick bollocking off the Mrs for the offensive alert, I check my mail, and to my delight, it’s the code! I got 2 minutes before kick-off; I quick fire up the PS4, enter the code, and put telly back on. At half time, I check the progress, and it finishes installing just as I put PS4 channel on me TV….

Sorry FIFA, world cup will have to wait, I’ve been waiting to play Destiny since I saw the unveil at the Sony E3 in 2013. I load it up and there’s a sweet message from the developers stating that alpha stage is a crucial part of the development process, and it cannot be done without you…

Cheers Bungie… I got yer back…

The alpha starts with the obligatory character creation process. You select a class from either a Titan, Hunter or Warlock. I chose Titan, and then proceeded to fanny about making his facial features just right. After I finished this process, 3 things made me face-palm…

1. What dafuq am I fannying about with this for, when I could be playing the game.
2. The dood wears a helmet most of the time.
3. It’s a first person shooter, so you rarely see his head.
4. When you do see his head, you see the back of it….

(Alright…. 4 things. I couldn't be bothered to go back and change my previous text from “three” to “four”, but as it turns out, it would've been easier to do that than to carry on typing like this, but I suppose the damage is done now… I could still go back and change it… but then I’d have to delete all this too, but then changing AND deleting would still have been quicker than typing wouldn't it… it’s a writing paradox indeed…)

So then I was in the game. You are placed in the middle of a wasteland in Old Russia, where your little floaty robot thing, like 343 Guilty Spark from Halo, talks to you about your objective. You head off toward a way-point, where en route, you bump into a couple of baddies! They are the Fallen, a humanoid shape insect looking alien, a lot like the “Elites” from Halo. I whip out me gun, which has the cool bullet counter on the back, (seems familiar) and start to shooty-shooty. The gun controls are excellent, the red dot sights allow excellent control and I found myself more on target than off, which is rare for my American style of shooting… headshots are easily achievable and I found that your character movement combined in as well, straight from the off, this was gonna be a great blast…

After a bit of messing about with the controls, I found the new way of travel available to all of Destiny’s guardians, the Sparrow. It’s a star wars speeder… and it’s summon-up-able at any point where there’s space.  It moves a lot like Ghost from the Halo games, move with left stick, including strafe, and turn with the right. No shooty shooty on the alpha build though, maybe this will be available later on in the final game (turns out it isn't...)

Sparrow around Old Russia

Flying through the wasteland, you get chance to soak up some of the environment, and it is gorgeous. Some of the aging structures which reach skyward look how you’d expect an abandoned space launcher to look, with remnants of an industrial city buzzing with life in every direction. Your little floaty thing picks up on the desolation ahead of you, and narrates of how things have gone to shit since the war. This is the only mention of the campaign of Destiny, and I’ll be honest, it’s the campaign I’ll be heading for on launch day. To me, campaigns are what make’s games great. That’s why we love Master Chief, that’s why everyone was up in arms over Mass Effects ending, we want to escape into new worlds, and Destiny’s looked like it’d rival the very best any medium has to offer…

Proceeding on with the first mission see’s you head into the derelict buildings. More gunplay…. Great stuff. Heading through some dank corridors, every so often you come across some would be dispatchers to dispatch, and one of them bastards has a Needler gun from Halo, where the now white (not pink) needles home in on you as you move, so staying close to the walls, you can disappear round corners to deflect the needles into the wall. With some wall hugging, strafing and some excellent controls helping you get some frequent headshots, you can easily clear up. Delving deeper still, things get quite dark, with just your gunlight to lead the way. The little robot thing, called the Ghost, warns you of some impeding danger, still in darkness. Then the enemies come. Fast moving weaklings in large numbers run straight at you, easily taken care of with your rifle. They act a lot like the Flood from the Halo series. There are a few Elites, sorry, Fallen to take care of, but then you meet your first real challenge. A Fallen Wizard. He floats around the room making it difficult to shoot, so I employ a quick “True Grit” approach and run him, plant a plasma grenade on him, (almost, it doesn’t stick like it does in other games, like Halo) then head back for cover, changing mags as I go. All the time we duke it out, you have to mop up any stragglers, you didn’t want it too easy did you? Eventually, it’s just you two to the death. After a decent 5-6 minute scrap, which feels like an eternity, I emerge victorious. Mission ends, and then it all fades to black and I’m whisked into orbit to decide my next location.

During the Alpha, you encounter a few big buggers. Most notable is the last one you see, which introduces you to Destiny’s trump card…

Destiny is a Massive Multiplayer Online game. An MMO. And it’s seamlessly woven into the core of the game. The moment you are dropped into the Alpha, you can see the familiar hovering name badge of an online player. You can approach any player, at any point, and request they join forces with you, and then you can take on the individual levels as a team, Co-op Style! During the wanderings around the vast areas of Destiny, you may stumble upon 3 or 4 more players, and even while you are not teamed together as a “Fireteam” you can all suddenly be thrown together in a “public event” where the enemy may drop in a Tank, and its upto you all to take it down. And it’s proper fun, but not enforced, as if you want to, you can just walk away. Other areas require you enter as a team, how this affects the single player campaign experience, we’ll not know until the full games release. But the Fireteam mission was a blast, and it took fecking ages, the boss was a right hard bastard and it took the combined firepower of 3 of us to stop the ever spawning onslaught of the Fallen, while not getting a kicking from the big boss. When we took it down, we all must have felt the same feeling of elation, as everyone’s avatar broke out the games dances moves.

Happy times.

So this is where I revisit. I picked up Destiny on launch day, (from Tesco, with a free T-shirt, which is probably a sign of me showing my age, as I immediately thought "cool, free clothes") I was impressed with what I'd played so far. I played the campaign, and I gotta say, It's very underwhelming. The story is strung together with a bit of narration here and there from the now infamously boring Dinklebot. Occasionally you are treated to a cut-scene, but there are boring too, just everyone standing around talking to each other. The game is a solid blaster, visiting the Moon, Mars and Venus, each area having its own distinctive setting, like the giant fissure on the moon, and my favourite, the Mars missions, where you see Phobos, Mars' asteroid-like moon, ominously dominating the sky. Each planet is populated by ever increasingly difficult baddies, The Fallen, the Hive, the Vex, all staple videogame baddies, The Cabal of Mars seemed a little refreshing, reminding me of the nice chunky aliens from The Fifth Element. AI is OK, minions line up to be shot down, Difficulty in enemies is as simple as "shoot for a long time" with the end of level adversaries are just bullet sponges...

Phobos!

I finished the boring campaign, played a couple of strikes, but unfortunately, most of my PSN friends hadn't made the move to PS4, so I was alone, the equivalent of knocking on everyone's door when you were a kid, but no one would come out to play....

So I Fucking sold it.

Then Christmas happened.

I fired up the station to start on Dragon Age, (review coming soon) and I found that most of my friends list was now dominated by Destiny. I shrugged my shoulders, resigned myself to the fact that I'd been there, and (literally) got the T-shirt, and started Dragon Age.

But I got that Nagging feeling.... "all my friends are playing a game designed for Co op, And I Love Co op!

So, over the Christmas break, I bought a Second hand copy, and re-joined the fray.

And I'm hooked, Co op play with yer mates has always been on the back-burner for many games devs, but now, here was possibly the biggest AAA new IP launch for ages, and everyone is playing the Co op strikes! My idea of gaming heaven.

During this spout, I have said the word “Halo” seven times. And it’s not hard to see the Halo influences. But that shouldn’t be taken as “another Halo” because it takes the very best elements of the Master Chiefs tale, ie, the gun mechanics, and along with the best MMO experience, Bungie has crafted another classic which deservedly stands up to its previous endeavours. The social/multiplayer experience will be genre defining, as I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking sick of COD, and have been aching for something new, and from my renewed experience, I feel as though Bungie have just the right medicine for my ache…

Pre-friends list getting it... nearly 8 outta 10

Now Co-op with me mates... 9 outta 10

Wolfenstein: The New Order Review

Who calls their main character BJ? Blow Job Blazkowitz…. As mature as we gamers like to think we are, I see BJ, I think Blow Job….

Blow Job Blazkowitz is the ultimate bad ass mother fucker, nothing, and I mean NOTHING can stop this freight train of a fighter. If he was a real dood, I’d probably hate him, gruff, rough, unapproachable war machine, but as a videogame Nazi killer, he is perfect.

The New Order assumes that the Nazi Regime has won the war, (in the 40’s I think) and that they have goose stepped themselves across the globe. Towards the end of the war, in a last ditch attempt to overthrow General Deaths-head, you, (Blow Job) storm Deaths-head medical research bunker.

And you lose.

Blow Job gets quite the kick in, which puts him in a coma for the next 15 years.  This is obviously a cheap ploy to throw loads of “advanced” weaponry that has been developed by the Nazi bastards. Because all the weapons look out of place NOW, let alone in the sixties… machine shotguns are pushing it, but the Tesla gun is a piss take! That gun is amazing… it can cut through fences and metal grills, gets free recharges from sockets, and it can blow fuckers up better than anything else!

What ensues is a raucous blast through…. Christ, everywhere! You literally go, everywhere. Blow Job proper racks up the air miles as he continues his quest to rid the world of the Nazi Bastards.

What the Fuck happened to him???

Transportation is really advanced too, achieving bigger, better and more efficient means of travel than an Arriva bus.

Blow Job befriends a fit Polish Nurse (for obvious reasons) and gets recruited as the chief warmonger of the resistance. The resistance is missing a key member, and task Blow Job to get him out of prison. Which you do. And he turns out to be quite the asset indeed. He is part of a long secret society of scientists, who have looked into the development of science “for the greater good.” And some of the stuff this guy is peddling is unreal! DARPA don’t make stuff this cool, and if they did, we should all be worried about Google’s recent acquisition of DARPA, cos along with some Google AI, Skynet will soon be a reality…

What I’m trying to say is that this 1960’s version of war could be the new COD, advanced warfare. It surprised me how crazy they’ve gone with this, as it most of it can’t be achieved now… but it makes a damn good videogame!

Trust Me, this fucking Nazi itch Deserved that smash in the mouth....

Blow Job fights through hordes of Nazi Bastards, with big shooty weapons, with wild abandon, where upon standing atop a pile of bodies, he would take a breather and spout the most delicious 80’s action movie lines, not the cheesy joke ones, but the hard as nails, “Nazi Scum” grunt. Locations are excellently realised on the PS4, massive castles, bridges, sea warfare, all looking lush. Combat is also great fun, but I gotta be honest, there’s nothing I can say that will sell it better than “Killing Nazi’s”

Should you choose, you can sneak through the game, taking a stealth approach, and while my preferred take on FPS is the American “Shoot ‘til I’m outta bullets, one is bound to hit it…” methodology, sometimes it is better to sneak. Using my amazing Tesla gun, I cut a hole through some air ducting, flanked some of the bigger buggers, and with the Tesla Gun at full Charge, I could easily dispatch them, and take out the stragglers with a quick knife throw to the ankle, (it kills them outright obviously) and it’s extremely satisfying. Equally as satisfying, going in all guns blazing is top drawer fun to. Seeing Nazi Bastards pile up never gets old does it?


Wolfenstein: The New Order does what videogames do best. An excellent shooter, with big bangs for yer buck, just leave your brain off for a while, because if you think about all the amazing technology, the guns, the Science, the Mechs, the travel, the sprawling cities, its seems as though we’d have been technologically superior if we just left the Germans too it….

8 outta 10….

Mass Effect is better than Star Wars

Let me begin with a disclaimer. This is based on no facts whatsoever, and it’s purely me spouting my own drivel…

Mass Effect is better than Star Wars.

I love Star Wars. But to be honest, I love old Star Wars, not new Star Wars. But the setting is what really brings the films to life. The multitude of planets, systems, races and religions gives us an ever expanding universe to get lost in. A lot like Mass Effect does. But where Star Wars gives us loads of aliens, rarely are they integral to the story. Sure Yoda, But most aliens are there as props, to make a believable world. Chewy offers no story line other than a giant walking carpet who hangs a round with a human. The main protagonist, Luke, A human boy, from a human family, meets a human Jedi, who tasks him with defeating a Human Sith. It could be a cold war film, Yanks v’s Ruskies. Even C3PO and R2D2 could be exchanged for a simple email,

pls hlp Obiwan, Leia.

or tweet…

#rebels #vaderscoming #emailed-you-secret-plans-to-destroy-the-deathstar

All Playable characters, each with their own tale to tell...

Of Course, then it wouldn’t be the Star Wars we all know and love. I’m still referring to Episodes IV, V, & VI. Not Episodes I, II, or III. Or as I like to call them, Star Wars toy advert 1, toy advert 2 and toy advert 3, but after playing The Mass Effect Trilogy, I realised how unimportant the alien races in Star Wars are. On the Citadel of Mass Effect, a gigantic ancient space station, all the races of the Milky Way hold an embassy there, and we Humans are the new kids on the block. You play as Shepard, Earths last, great war hero, are you are the puppet that Earths politicians use to gain a foothold in this galactic senate. The Alien races populate the council, and Humans are not considered enlightened enough, almost too selfish a species to care about the rest of the creeds. What leads then is a cross galaxy tale of rogue aliens, recruiting the races of the stars to help you fight, and a malevolent curse of an ancient evil on its way….

This is Star Wars....

This is Shit...

This is where Mass Effect shines. Humans aren’t the only thing that matters in this story, unlike Star Wars, where another tale running through is about family and love… bollocks to that. Give me Mass Effects fighting and fucking any day! The aliens are so important in the tale, that without them, there’s no Mass Effect. It embraces the alien technology integration into human DNA, which corrupts the mind to the point where man questions what species he wants to be. Mankind is given choices, save or exterminate an entire alien population, Pick a side in a long going alien war, discovering new alien races, and generally becoming such a badass that it soon becomes clear, The galaxy needs you fighting with them, Not against them.

Mass Effect bad asses....

Your fighting team is a choice of a band of reprobates from other worlds. A few humans, but then you have up to 7 different alien races to choose from. So for pretty much the entire game, you can go as part of an alien group… which I did, cos its loads more interesting than the normal human soldier stereotypes. And during the game, working next to these races gives you the opportunity to learn about their culture, and it’s not some woeful back story, “my mummy died when she gave birth to me”, or, “you love him and not me!”

STFU & GTFO

Mass Effect feels like space travel should, new modern technologies from the alien races you encounter, to discovering the galactic crossing machinery abandoned in space from a long extinct species. The Star Wars tale is a tried and tested good v’s evil story, but I feel as though Mass Effects richer universe makes that same good ol’ story that little bit more believable…

Bigger than the death star, but with better MPG.... Mass effects Mass relays, the only way to travel!